


Like Lightning

by cloudcastles



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 12:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5665438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudcastles/pseuds/cloudcastles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nearly everyone in the galaxy has the name of their soulmate written on the inside of their wrist. Finn has never seen his mark, and Poe has never met his soulmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Lightning

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Contains a lengthy description of self harm (burning with a lighter). That's the only depiction of violence in the fic, however.

Finn looked down at his wrist for the fifteenth time that day and frowned in concern. The tell-tale itching was now morphing into a burning sensation. It wouldn’t be long before his whole forearm felt like it was ablaze.

He was used to the sensation. It came every month, and every month it was erased by the First Order. Once the itching began, each of them were required to report themselves for the branding procedure. Although having the skin on his wrist branded with a searing hot iron every thirty days wasn’t a pleasant experience, it was better than the alternative. Like every stormtrooper, Finn had once tried to withstand the slow, agonising sensation of his wrist catching fire and burning like a flamethrower was being held to his skin. He had lasted all of 10 minutes before turning himself in for the branding procedure. He wasn’t sure what to do now, without the First Order branding iron to save him from the pain.

As far as Finn could tell, the Resistance had no need for branding. He had never seen anyone’s wrist in the entire time he had been there, and hadn’t heard mention of the procedure talked about by anyone. In the First Order, the procedure was openly spoken about. As everyone’s wrist burning cycle fell on a different day and time, there been information announcements on the comlink system about when sessions were being held. No-one wanted to experience the agony of the full-blown flames, so it was best to keep up to date with regular branding.

The First Order had never explained why nearly everyone experienced the wrist burning. Now that Finn had escaped, he realised that it must be unique to the First Order. Perhaps it was a disease unique to their community, if you could call the First Order that. Maybe it was even a tactic to keep everyone reliant on the First Order by making them require special medical attention. Finn had never considered these explanations before. He’d never really thought much about the wrist burning besides thinking about when he needed to have his wrist burnt by the branding procedure again.

So, now that he was in the Resistance, Finn faced a problem. He could either return to the First Order to have his wrist branded again, or burn his wrist himself. The prospect of burning his wrist himself was one with a myriad of problems. Firstly, he clearly couldn’t ask for anyone’s help, as no-one in the Resistance knew anything about his condition and might be scared by the proposition of burning Finn’s flesh. Secondly, it would be a much longer and excruciating process than the First Order branding iron. The procedure in the First Order only took a few moments, streamlined to service as many stormtroopers in one session as possible. Finally, Finn had nothing to burn himself with. He set about solving this problem first.

Eventually with the help of a droid, Finn found a primitive fire starter hidden away in the depth of a Resistance supply cache.

Although he knew the droid was unlikely to question why he wanted a fire lighter, Finn explained hesitantly, “It’s for lighting candles … for when I meditate?”

Finn sighed in relief when the droid beeped once and rolled away. He really didn’t want to have to reveal to anyone, droid or otherwise, that he was so reliant on the First Order, his body betraying the fact that he would always be one of them.

He returned to his quarters soon after and shut the door behind him. His wrist was starting to burn now, like the first flames licking against kindling. He’d have to start soon before he’d be in too much pain to help himself.

Hurriedly clearing the small desk in the corner of his quarters, Finn laid his forearm out in front of himself. He clicked the lighter three times before it emitted a small blue flame from the top. He braced himself as best he could and held the lighter to his skin.

At the first lick of the flame against his skin, Finn bit his lip to stop the cry of pain threatening to burst from his lungs. Breathing heavily through his nose, he pressed on. The faint burning under his skin was replaced by a scorching, smothering heat. He felt the nerves on his wrist screaming and boiling and watched his skin start to blister.

He only lasted a few seconds before he started to scream himself. It wasn’t like any kind of scream he’d heard anyone make before. It wasn’t like the screams of the villagers on Jakku, confused and pleading for mercy. It wasn’t like the screams heard in battle, sounds forced and quickly silenced from soldiers throats when they were fatally shot by a blaster. This scream was more like an involuntary howl. Finn pressed through the excruciating pain and the sound of his own screams. He couldn’t see his wrist through his tears.

Finn was in so much pain that he barely registered Poe bursting his way into his quarters. He only noticed that someone else was there when the fire lighter was wrenched from his hands and thrown across the room.

“Finn! What the hell are you doing?!” Poe shouted, fear in his eyes. Finn didn’t answer, and Poe’s eyes grew wider with panic.

“Shit. Finn - Finn we’ve got to go to the med bay. Come on,” Poe said, taking Finn’s unburnt arm and placing it over his shoulders. He braced Finn’s body against his own and practically carried him out of the room, headed hurriedly in the direction of the medical bay.

Once they reached the med bay, the healers quickly began work on Finn’s wrist. Poe sat in a guest chair as Finn was assisted onto a medical bed. He watched as bacta gel was carefully applied to Finn’s burn and it was delicately bandaged up. Finn was practically unresponsive during the entire procedure, his eyes welling with tears as he avoided the healer’s questioning. Eventually, the healers left Finn and Poe in peace with the clear implication that Finn would not be discharged until an explanation was received and a full examination was carried out.

Poe sat back in his chair and sighed, then looked up at Finn. “Why?” he asked softly, “Why were you hurting yourself?”

Finn looked at Poe in confusion, wiping away his tears. “I wasn’t hurting myself.”

“Well … it kind of looked that way to me.”

Finn shook his head. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” Poe said, looking up at Finn imploringly.

“I was trying to make it better. The wrist burning.”

Poe frowned. “You were trying to make … the wrist burning better?”

Finn nodded. “I didn’t know what to do without the First Order. The stormtroopers - we’d get it done every month. To stop the wrist burning,” he sighed, and his voice broke, “I just didn’t know how to make it stop.”

“Hey, hey,” Poe said softly, standing and placing his hand over Finn’s bandaged wrist in an attempt to comfort him, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. It’ll return. If the branding isn’t done right, the burning will come back.”

Suddenly, it dawned on Poe what Finn had been trying to do. “You mean the mark will try to grow back?”

“The mark?” Finn asked softly.

“The mark on your wrist … nearly everyone has one. When they first grow when you’re younger, it burns like hell for a few hours. People who can afford it get a sedative. It hurts pretty bad,” he paused and looked at Finn with sadness, “I guess that’s what you’ve been feeling.”

“The burning on my wrist is a mark? What kind of mark?”

“Well, it’s a name. The name of your soulmate.”

Finn looked at Poe in deep confusion. “My soulmate?”

Poe nodded, then sat down at the edge of Finn’s bed in preparation for a long discussion. “Not everyone has one. And not everyone’s works in the same way. But basically, it’s the first name of your soulmate. It’s usually your romantic soulmate. The person you’re meant to be with, and fall in love with, and …” He trailed off.

Finn sat in silence for a few moments as he absorbed this information. “And everyone has one? Not just the First Order?”

“Almost everyone, yeah. Not everyone has a soulmate. But yeah, most people.”

“But - I’ve never seen one. I’ve never even seen someone’s wrist here.”

“People don’t usually like to show them,” Poe explained, “They’re pretty private for most people.”

“Oh. Do you have one?” Finn asked softly.

“Yeah. I’ve never met my soulmate, though.”

Finn frowned. “How do you know?”

“Well, I can’t know for certain. I could have passed them in a crowd one day. Usually, you know by having matching names. If you don’t have that, like, if you’ve covered yours up or the name on your mark is pretty common, people usually tell by kissing.”

“Kissing?” Finn asked, a barely disguised hint of curiosity is his voice.

“Kissing, or other things. Sometimes hand holding if you’re not romantic soulmates. Sometimes sex. But people have a kind of spark when they touch each other. Like lightning. That’s how my mom described it, anyway.”

Finn smiled, his eyes lingering on Poe’s wrist. “Can I see yours?”

Poe barely hesitated before nodding and pulling his sleeve back. The name _John_ was delicately scared on the inside of his wrist.

Neither of them spoke for a few moments, both staring intently at Poe’s wrist.

Poe rolled his sleeve back down and cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “Finn, I think that if you let it, your mark will grow back.”

“We were told burning was the only way to stop it hurting”, Finn whispered in a strained tone.

“Fighting fire with fire? That’s First Order thinking if I ever heard it,” Poe said with a soft smile. Finn smiled back weakly.

“What if the pain doesn’t stop?”

Poe reached out for Finn’s hand again and squeezed it lightly. “I promise that it only hurts for a few hours, a day at most. The healers will give you medicine so it doesn’t hurt so bad. Just try and let it grow back. Please. Don’t go burning yourself again.”

Finn nodded, biting his lip to stop himself from crying again. “Ok,” he choked.

“Ok,” Poe replied with relief. “I’m should go talk to the healers and General Leia, alright? They probably won’t let me back in again though, it’s pretty late. Will you be ok alone?”

“Yeah,” Finn said with a small nod.

“I’ll come back tomorrow and see your mark, ok?”

Finn nodded again. Poe squeezed his hand and wished him goodnight before leaving the small med bay room in search of a healer.

As he left the medical bay, Poe found himself wishing that his own name would appear on Finn’s wrist overnight. He chastised himself for being so selfish. Not only did he want Finn all to himself, but he was also ignoring his existing soulmate. John … whoever he was, wherever he was … how could he more perfect than Finn?

…

Poe returned to the medical bay just as the sun was rising the next morning. After a quick briefing with a senior healer to check that he was allowed to see Finn, Poe swept through the medical bay to Finn’s overnight room.

He knocked on the door to Finn’s room lightly, in case he wasn’t awake yet.

“Uh, come in?” Finn said in a groggy tone. Poe slipped through the door into the half-lit room.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

Finn shook his head softly. “Nah. One of the droids came in and checked me a little while ago. Left some food I think.”

Poe cast his eyes to Finn’s side table and saw a breakfast tray resting there. “How you feeling?”

“Alright. Burning’s stopped,” Finn said, gently sitting up in the bed. He shuffled and moved his hands so they were resting over the blankets on his lap.

“That’s good,” Poe replied, his eyes lingering on Finn’s still bandaged wrist. He opened his mouth to ask about the mark but shut it pre-emptively. Instead, he took a seat and sat with Finn in silence for a few moments.

Finn eventually spoke again, “I haven’t looked under the bandage yet. I think … I’m scared there won’t be anything. Or … I don’t know.”

“That you won’t find them?” Poe asked softly. Finn nodded. “Yeah,” Poe said, glancing down at his own wrist, hidden by his long sleeve once more.

Finn sighed, then reached over and turned his lamp on. He blinked forcibly in the bright light, then looked down at his bandage. He silently slowly unravelled the bandage and let it fall onto his lap.

Poe watched Finn’s face as he read the name on his wrist of the first time. He saw Finn’s breath stall in his chest and his eyes grow wide.

“Poe.” Finn spoke softly, like he was in shock.

“Yeah?” Poe whispered back.

“Poe,” Finn repeated, “That’s my mark. It’s - it’s your name.” He turned his wrist to face Poe, and sure enough, the name _Poe_ was freshly scarred on the inside of his wrist.

Poe felt like all of the breath in his body had been knocked out of him. He stared at Finn’s mark in disbelief, then into Finn’s eyes with shock.

Finn swallowed, then asked raspily, “I thought the marks were supposed to match. Is it a different Poe, do you think?”

Wordlessly, Poe stood and reached out to hold Finn’s wrist. He let his thumb graze over the scar, feeling the slight bumps making the letters of his name.

“I don’t know,” he eventually whispered.

Finn leant back in his bed and sighed, letting his wrist flop onto the bed in defeat. The two sat in strained silence for what felt like forever, Poe on the edge of the medical bay bed and Finn with his head against the wall looking up at the ceiling. Then, Finn suddenly had an idea.

“I don’t know what my name is,” he breathed. Poe turned and looked at Finn, confused. “We - the First Order took us when we were babies. But only when we were old enough to be tested. Old enough to hold things, sit up, and crawl and stuff. I’ve seen them before, when I was passing the enlistment room. We must have been a few months old when they took us.”

Poe still looked back at Finn with the same confused expression.

“So, FN-2187 can’t be my real name.”

Poe gasped gently, realising what Finn was implying. “So you’re saying -?”

“Someone must have named me in those few months, right? My parents maybe? Before the First Order took me, someone must have given me a real name.”

“John,” Poe whispered, looking at Finn yearningly. Finn nodded, then held out his marked hand to Poe.

Poe took Finn’s hand gently, then stood and took the single step over to the head of the bed. He looked down at Finn and smiled. He let Finn’s hand go and brought his hand up to cusp Finn’s jaw. He paused, and breathed, “I’m going to kiss you now, alright?” Finn nodded gently, his pupils wide.

Lightning barely even began to describe it, Poe thought absent-mindedly as his lips met Finn’s. It was like the dawn. He felt like he was being filled with light, which was cascading from his lips down to his toes out into the universe. It was like he was taking his first breath. He felt like they were the only two beings in the galaxy.

When they finally broke the kiss, Poe sighed and rested his forehead against Finn’s gently.

“Hi,” he murmured contently.

“Hi,” Finn replied with a light chuckle, tilting his lips to meet Poe’s again. Poe felt his own tears stream between their cheeks.

…

A few days later, Poe and Finn were sitting on the grass outside the Resistance Base complex. Their hands were intertwined as they watched the stars come out.

Poe asked softly, “So … do you want me to call you John now?”

Finn rested his head on Poe’s shoulder and thought for a moment. “No, it’s not me. Finn is me,” he replied.

“But your family named you John. It’s your real name.”

Finn shook his head lightly and brought his gaze to meet Poe’s. “You’re my family now. And you named me Finn. So that’s my real name now.”

Poe’s face broke into a grin, and he leant over to kiss Finn gently. He’d already lost count of the times he’d kissed his soulmate. But every kiss was as good as the first, even though the lightning was starting to fade.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I’ve never properly burnt myself so I don’t actually know how painful it really is. If I got it wrong, hopefully it can be explained away by Finn burning delicate skin that’s been burnt lots of times before or the strong flame coming from the fire starter.
> 
> I might have listened to 'Only Time' by Enya when writing the first kiss. I can be found at eccentricaoferoticonsix.tumblr.com :)


End file.
